Skip to main content

Why Can't We Be Friends?


I was somewhat taken aback recently when I learned that a single friend doesn't care very much for the company of couples. It is difficult not to take personal offense at this, being part of a couple, but then I took a step back and thought about the various types of people who I know and prefer to associate with socially. And the reasons why. It was an enlightening self-analysis.

First, I realized (though not really for the first time) that a majority of my friends are heterosexual. This isn't something I give much thought to on a day-to-basis. Whenever I've made friends with someone, their sexuality has been very low on the reasons why we click, if it's even been a reason at all. Indeed, it is a fact that gay people don't have a lot in common with one another, simply because they're gay. That sounds like a harsh thing to say, especially during Pride Month, nevertheless it is true.

Second, if I'm being honest, it's become a reluctant reality that, as part of a childless gay couple, I've tended to see friendships drift apart with couples who have children. We tried -- we really tried -- with some friends several years ago, but so much changes once a couple adopt or have a child naturally. The entire dynamic of their lives changes and, for those of us without children, well, it just isn't the same. Our friends with kids attach themselves to other friends with kids, and they experience things that those who are childless just wouldn't have a reference point for.

That, dear reader, is where I thought the dissimilar nature of dissolving friendships ended. Surely people without children could get along well and not feel any tension or exclusion? Well, perhaps not always. Depending on the numbers, there is the possibility the single person could feel like a third wheel. Then there is the bitterness or jaded feelings of being alone (single folks may bristle at this, but trust me, I've been there). And, I dunno, maybe there really are some things that couples like to talk about and do that perhaps single people can't relate to?

All of this is a shame, in the sense that I prefer to focus on our commonalities rather than what divides us. Yet it's true that humans tend to cluster with those whom they share interests and life markers with, so there we are. The entropy of our relationships occurs, sadly, for a multitude of reasons. I wish it didn't.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

If You Could Read My Mind

Dance clubs are a funny thing. They contain within their walls a life force and vibrancy sometimes unmatched anywhere else. When dusk settles and the lights come on, people will flood the dance floors to gyrate to music with hypnotic beats and songs about love, lust and fun at the disco. At gay bars, this sort of scenario usually increases ten-fold. It isn't for everyone, but for many it is a respite from the harsh realities of the real word. It is a place that isn't just a structure, but a sanctuary where folks -- minorities in their own communities -- can take shelter and unwind with abandon, at least for a few nighttime hours.
As someone who benefited greatly from such an aforementioned gay dance club, you can imagine my dismay at news of the closing of Chester Street Bar. In business for over three decades, gay-owned and operated, there was a time when C-Street (as it was known by most) was the only haven for those in the LGBT community, near and far, to enjoy themselves …

Third Death

My father has had three funerals. The third (though perhaps not final) one, was last night.
In reality, Lewis died in 1997. Cancer. Aged 52. He had a real funeral. I was there. The next two funerals occurred only in my dreams, yet they seemed real at the time, and their impact during the waking hours was keenly felt.
You see, during the intervening nineteen years, Lewis has come back to life in my dreams, many times. It is more than simply having a dream about him. During these nighttime images, it is noted that Lewis shouldn't be there, that he died of cancer and is resting six feet under. How, then, could he be alive and, seemingly, healthy?

Thoughts on an Election

Before I get started on the ruminations of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, I'll begin by saying I really have no clue as to who our next president will be. I've always fretted over the outcome of elections, regardless of the polls, and this year is no different. Especially this year. A good case can be made as to why Hillary Clinton will become our 45th president. All one has to do is look at the polls. Clinton has a comfortable lead in many states, enough to make one think that she will win handily on November 8th.
Of course, polls can be wrong. 538 gives Clinton's changes of winning in the low-mid 80 percent range. Several polls would seem to agree. Many Republicans are jumping ship from Trump. The race looks over. But of course, humanity isn't as easily predictable as polling would have us believe. Things happen. People can surprise us. And, for better or worse, I think that Donald Trump may very well become our next president.